Finding your center when your heart is broken, your trust has been violated, and life feels terribly unfair.
I've been going through a soul-searching time, the kind that shakes you to your core and challenges everything you believe. It is definitely a dark night of the soul.
Recently, someone I trusted with my professional work violated that trust, leaving me feeling betrayed, robbed, and deeply wounded. My own creations, which I've spent years developing, have been hijacked and are being held hostage. It's a terrible feeling when someone you trusted takes control of what you love and leaves you struggling to get it back.
The situation is ongoing, so I'll spare you the details, but the helplessness, outrage, and sheer injustice have been devastating.
And here's the irony: I've spent decades teaching empowerment, conscious creation, and spiritual awakening, yet suddenly I'm facing one of the greatest challenges to my own sense of power.
I'm writing from the middle of this experience, still trying to understand how to move through it.
It's easy to talk about spiritual principles when life is flowing beautifully. It's another thing to practice them when you're knee-deep in sludge, everything seems to go wrong, and you want to scream in Italian, Basta! Enough already!
I've cried, gotten angry, felt sorry for myself, and wondered how I could have been so trusting and naive. In many ways, this has been a loss of innocence.
I'm certainly struggling to embody the serene spiritual teacher! Yet one of my most important teachings keeps returning to me: Every moment is an opportunity to begin again, even when you're furious, heartbroken, and uncertain about what comes next.
First, Stop the Bleeding
When you're under attack, whether emotionally, financially, psychologically, or energetically, the first priority is practical action to prevent further harm. Take care of the wound before trying to understand its spiritual lesson.
That may mean securing accounts, protecting property, documenting what happened, seeking legal advice, contacting authorities, or establishing firm boundaries.
I've spent five exhausting days doing computer work to recover and protect what belongs to me. Each concrete step, however frustrating, restores some of my sense of power.
Being spiritual does not mean allowing someone to walk all over you. Love must coexist with boundaries, compassion with discernment, and forgiveness with accountability. You can be a lightworker and still say a very firm NO!
I'm learning that reclaiming my authority begins with the choices available to me, regardless of how another person behaves.
Feel Your Feelings Without Becoming Them
I've experienced the full range of shock, outrage, anger, fear, betrayal, grief, and helplessness. Sometimes these feelings become so intense that we identify with them. Instead of saying, "I feel powerless," we begin believing, "I am powerless."
One of my central teachings is Identity Before Reality. We create from who we believe ourselves to be, yet a devastating experience can temporarily shake that identity.
I've been reminding myself to breathe, feel my feet on the earth, and return to my body. I allow the anger and grief to move through me without letting them determine who I am.
I've also reached out to people who love me. A hug, a conversation with a friend, or simply being held in someone's prayers can make an enormous difference. My beautiful community has helped me remember my strength when I've temporarily forgotten it.
Moving Beyond the Victim Role
One of my greatest lessons has been recognizing the difference between being victimized and identifying as a victim.
Acknowledging genuine harm is essential, but when that experience becomes the defining story of our lives, we risk surrendering our future to what wounded us.
I've felt that pull. I want justice, accountability, and recognition of the harm that's been done. Yet I'm beginning to ask myself:
How do I reclaim my power even if the other person never apologizes, understands, or makes things right?
My power cannot depend on someone else's awakening. I can pursue justice and protect my interests while choosing who I want to become through this experience.
Taking Responsibility and Forgiving Myself
I've been examining my own part in what happened. I hired someone vb and gave her considerable creative freedom, perhaps without enough direction or oversight.
I'm a rather Neptunian person. I see possibilities, trust people, and imagine what can be created. Sometimes I assume others understand my vision without spelling out every detail.
This experience has taught me the importance of clearer expectations, agreements, and boundaries. I can establish checkpoints and protect my work more carefully while forgiving myself for being trusting.
Taking responsibility means reclaiming my ability to respond, while recognizing that another person's choices remain their responsibility.
Adversity as an Initiation
I've been reflecting on Carlos Castaneda's teachings about the Warrior's path to personal power, developing awareness, discipline, impeccability, and the ability to act rather than react.
Perhaps this experience is challenging me to become more decisive and discerning.
I've spent much of my life cultivating the feminine qualities of receptivity, intuition, creativity, and allowing. Now I'm being called to embody another aspect of the Goddess Warrior, the one who stands tall and draws her sword of discernment.
She declares, "This is who I am. This is what I stand for. And this is what I will not permit."
I want to emerge with greater clarity and strength while keeping my heart open. Perhaps that will be the gift hidden within this painful experience. I'm still in it, so I'll know more later.
Calling Upon My Spiritual Resources
I've been praying, asking for guidance, and using spiritual practices to regain my center.
I've also been soul conferencing with her soul on the Bridge of Light, bringing my concerns into a sacred inner space where I can listen for wisdom beyond my frightened or angry personality.
Sometimes I ask for understanding or healing; other times I ask, "What is the next specific step I can take?"
One of the rites I learned during my shamanic studies with Alberto Villoldo is the Bands of Power, which I've been practicing daily to strengthen my energetic boundaries. Here's how I practice it:
I imagine a golden and silver cord extending through my body, connecting me with heaven and earth. Then I create five spinning bands of energy:
Black, around my lower hips like a wide skirt, grounding and protecting me.
Red, from my hips to above my waist, awakening vitality.
Gold, from my upper waist to above my breasts, strengthening personal power.
Silver, around my throat like a shimmering boa, supporting truth and expression.
White, surrounding my head like a luminous cap, connecting me with higher wisdom.
I spin the bands, usually counterclockwise, although you can let your intuition guide you. I allow them to expand outward into a large cocoon, imagining them clearing heaviness and strengthening my energy field.
Then I draw them back toward my body like a second skin of light.
As I breathe, I remember that I have a center, I have choices, and I am more than what has happened to me.
I recommend this practice daily, especially when life feels chaotic. It helps me feel grounded and connected to my own energy.
Are We Living Through a Collective Initiation?
Everywhere I look, people are dealing with illness, exhaustion, conflict, and uncertainty. We recently had a women's gathering scheduled with thirteen participants, and seven were sick!
I can't help noticing the symbolism of Scorpio season, the archetypal time of death, release, and transformation. As the trees shed their leaves, nature reminds us of the cycles of letting go and renewal.
In astrology, Scorpio invites us to face what has been hidden and discover the power that remains when old identities fall away.
Perhaps these turbulent times are inviting us to embody greater courage, discernment, and responsibility.
It's one thing to talk about awakening; it's another to remain awake when life becomes uncomfortable.
Finding the Light in the Darkness
Something interesting happened today. I woke at five with a headache and began finishing this article. Later, during a meditation gathering, a couple of people expressed their longing for more positivity. They were tired of all the negativity.
I immediately felt the synchronicity. Here I was, writing about reclaiming my power while struggling with my own intense emotions. I'm usually easygoing, until I'm not! And lately, I've been living in that "until I'm not" place.
When you're going through a dark night of the soul, it's hard to put whipped cream on cardboard and call it dessert. Genuine positivity has to come from somewhere deeper.
I heard their request, and I realized that I too was longing for more light. I can acknowledge my pain while making room for beauty, gratitude, and love, becoming more conscious of the emotions I bring into my relationships and the world.
Even while I'm stuck in the peanut butter of this experience, I can begin inviting more light into my life.
From Reaction to Conscious Creation
This brings me back to the central teaching in my book Awaken Magnetic Creation: we create from the state of consciousness we inhabit.
When we're caught in resistance, fighting what has already happened, we can become so consumed by the problem that we lose sight of what we want to create.
I've been replaying conversations, fighting the injustice in my mind, and imagining what I should have done differently. It's exhausting.
I can resist injustice without living in resistance to life.
I can take action to correct what is wrong while consciously choosing where I place my attention. I can experience anger while remaining connected to love and move through uncertainty while trusting myself.
This is the Law of Sufficiency: I am already enough, and my wholeness does not depend on someone else's behavior.
And the Law of Infusion: I can begin bringing the feelings of my desired reality into my consciousness before my circumstances change.
What would peace, freedom, and personal power feel like if I embodied them today? How would I breathe, carry myself, and make choices?
I can practice that state of consciousness now and allow it to guide my next action.
The Goddess Warrior Rises
My books are about the Goddess Warrior and the journey of awakening, and here I am being asked to live the very myth I'm writing.
The Goddess Warrior experiences wounds, grief, doubt, and despair, yet learns to rise again and again. We learn when to surrender and when to act, when to open our hearts and when to establish boundaries, when to trust and when to question.
True power comes from taking responsibility for our choices, consciousness, and the direction of our lives.
Some days I feel strong and clear. Other days I slip back into anger and discouragement. But I'm catching myself sooner, and that's progress.
The spiritual path teaches us to get up after we fall rather than spend the rest of our lives lying in the mud.
Beginning Again, Right Now
If you're going through your own stress or dark night, feeling betrayed, heartbroken, or ready to give up, begin by taking care of yourself.
Breathe, feel your feet on the earth, allow yourself to grieve, and reach out for love and support. Identify what is within your power, establish boundaries, and take one practical step.
Call upon your spiritual resources and ask yourself:
Who am I choosing to become through this experience?
For me, the answer is becoming clearer: more discerning, courageous, specific, and willing to stand in my authority. And perhaps a little less willing to give away my power in the name of being nice!
I'm still working through this initiation, and I don't know how the situation will resolve. But I am reclaiming my power, one breath, one boundary, and one conscious choice at a time.
If you're struggling too, join me in discovering how much power we still have, even in adversity.
Goddess Warriors remember who we are, even in the middle of a storm. We find our center, stand in our strength, and take the next step. Each conscious choice brings us closer to the people we are becoming and the new world we want to create.